Are you a good mother? If you click on this article, it may be. There is no doubt that your role is very important for all kinds of health and well-being outcomes, and maybe you will take the time to wonder if you are doing it right.
This is just a good mother’s concern, and there are a few other things. You may be wondering if your child is sleeping too much or too little. Or grow too slowly or too fast. And, if you are a new parent, you may have started to worry about teaching your child how to chew. (Please delete your list.)
Are you a perfect mother? Of course I hope not. Being a perfect mother is actually very harmful. What would a perfect mother even be? Unlimited availability to children or unlimited responses to their children? sad! If that was possible, it would be a terrible idea. (And thinking you are a perfect mother may make you doubt.)
Children’s caregivers are templates for their future relationships, and relationships are not one-way. Do you want to raise a child who believes that the people around them are primarily intended to meet their needs? Even better, they learn and accept and accept in an age-appropriate way and are important in all intimate relationships.
Flaws are actually part of the mother’s job. Even the most important part. How else will the children in your world understand and accept their own flaws?
But mothers keep receiving the message that they may not have done enough. It comes from anywhere – books, influencers, their own children. And don't let me start my mother-in-law. But the important part of the problem comes from the history of my own field.
For years, psychiatrists have tended to blame the mother’s child for their problems. This is a retention from a period when few women practice in the field. Is mother important? Obviously, yes. However, we often ignore all the credibility that mother deserves.
This could end up hurting children. I work with young people who live alone for the first time and are usually the first mental health professional they meet. These include young people who have suffered severe symptoms for many years. When I ask their parents if they know if they are considering mental health treatment and why they are not pursuing it, there are many expected reasons. These include costs, access to care and cultural factors. But I often hear parents not seeking mental health treatment for teenagers because they think mental health professionals will blame their children for their problems. I heard this explanation recently last month.
If you still want to know if you are good enough, take this quiz:
Have you ever been to the gym just to take a shower and lie on the floor for a while? No one needs to know. That's what women's locker room is for!
Have you ever thrown away the toy because it's too big and pretended to be lost?
Have you ever recycled some of their artwork because it was too much and pretended you gave it to Grandma?
Have you ever let your kids down or have them press a button? Hope you are human and with buttons.
Have you ever considered bribery? Like paying your kid a dollar to stop picking up their sister, or letting you sleep for another hour? In some cases, it works very well.
If you answered yes to any of these questions, don't be afraid to admit with me that you're not perfect. It's good for you.
So this Mother's Day, I want to give all moms a gift to relax. Don't wonder if you're good enough. Who are you.
